Communication with care – why?
Communication is the key to living peacefully together. Disagreements, misunderstandings, or uncertainties are part of all kinds of relationships. Colleagues at work, friendships, romantic relationships or parent-child relationships are just a few of the possible types of connections among people. If we manage to maintain fair and open communication, these relationships will become more sustainable, joyful, and loving.
For successful communication, it is an advantage to understand certain mechanisms and follow some rules.
The most important rule is that all opinions and point of views are equivalent because everyone has their truth. Therefore, it is not about right or wrong. Good communication succeeds when different viewpoints lead to a good solution for all parties involved. All participants have to agree to the solution and be willing to implement what has been decided.
Compromises, where one side agrees for the sake of peace but «makes a fist in the pocket», do not last in the long term.
Material rewards as part of solutions should be used very carefully. These types of solutions have the character of a business.
Finding good solutions for all parties involved takes time. Nevertheless, it is worth it, as with such solutions, implementation will be very easy!
Good communication is a continuous task and learning it is a process with trial and error. It is worth walking the path and it is wonderful to experience what it can achieve.
Solution-Oriented Communication
The goal of solution-oriented communication is to find sustainable solutions in the long term. This is only possible if all directly involved parties agree. Compromises are only successful in the short term and are therefore not recommended.
Steps to find a solutions
- Clarify the situation and all facts precisely to ensure that everyone is talking about the same thing.
- Everyone shares how they feel about this situation and the facts.Then, emotions are put aside. The solution has to be based on facts only.
- Wish Concert: All involved persons make solution proposals. Creativity is important in this part of the process.The aim is to search for a solution acceptable to the well-being of the involved persons.
- Ways to implement the solution are looked for and the solution can be implemented.
Establish and follow communication rules
It is recommended to establish certain rules for communication in groups that meet regularly (e.g., family). Below are some basic rules. Of course, more rules can be added.
- All directly involved parties are present.
- Every opinion or view counts equally – one head = one opinion.
- Everyone is allowed to finish speaking.
- Note: Those who speak cannot listen, because our brain cannot speak and listen with full presence at the same time. Those who do not speak listen attentively.
Misunderstandings
Misunderstandings are fundamentally involved in all conflicts. Therefore, precise, clear and open communication is essential. Misunderstandings arise, amongst other things, from:
- Assumptions, insinuations, ambiguities, misinterpretations of the situation, different expectations, etc.
- Strong emotions and impetuous reactions
- Different word choice
Therefore: Ask questions until everyone is talking about the same thing!
Summary: The elephant and the blind men
The Buddhist story about the elephant and the blind men is about different perspectives and shows that all have limited points of view. Respectful and clear communication is the key.
In the parable several blind men touched different parts of an elephant. They were asked what an elephant is like. The answers were very different, as the different parts of the elephant felt differently. For example, the one touching the tail said that the elephant is like a rope. So, they started to quarrel.
There are several conclusions as results of this story. Don’t hold on to your sight of a thing. Keep your mind open to be able to consider other points of view. A part should not be mistaken for the whole.
With an open and friendly communication, the blind men could have fun talking about what the elephant is like for them.
This text was created with the support of my friend Silvie Hylton-Potts. Thank you very much.
As this information seems to be very fundamental, a fact sheet can be downloaded!
Have fun improving the communication and your relationsships!
Good luck.
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